"The wave towered above her, white peaked like the great mountains behind her tatami mat home. Then it descended with a smash and dissipated into foam.
She trailed her hand through the water and watched the foam recede, then the magical cycle started all over again -- mountain, snow, then level water flecked with sparkling foam. The foam swirled and danced, forming shapes and figures, like Kanji characters. She watched, mesmerized, and wondered what it would say if she could read it."
I'm very familiar with the Japanese culture, so that one didn't take a whole lot of effort for me. However, I also wrote one for the Ivory coast in the middle of the twentieth century, and that one didn't go so well. I have no idea what the culture is like there, so I wasn't able to express it very accurately. This is where research comes in handy.
I know, the dreaded word "RESEARCH".
But honestly, research can really help bring description to a whole new level. If I try to describe a nomad's home in the middle of the Sahara but have no idea where the Sahara is or its history or culture, the best I might be able to do is say "the hut was dry and sandy".
However, because I was familiar with the Japanese culture, history, geography, and economy, I could add elements to my description that really made it FEEL like Japan. Look back really quick and note the phrases I've highlighted in red. These are the aspects of the excerpt that help give the sensation of Japan.
At the beginning, the wave towers, much like a tsunami would, though obviously we're not talking about a tsunami here. However, because tsunamis are part of Japanese life, to a Japanese girl, the ocean poses a terrible yet beautiful threat. Thus, the sensation of towering adds an element of Japanese belief to the passage.
Next I describe the wave as a mountain. Most of us have seen pictures of Mount Fuji, and when I mention "white peaked" and "great mountains", those pictures immediately come to mind. Though Mount Fuji is likely not one of the mountains I am speaking of here as the text implies there are several great mountains, and Fuji stands somewhat alone, it gives the right picture, and transports the reader to the land in which the story is set.
Just note one more thing, the "magical cycle". The Oriental culture, not just Japanese, but Chinese and Korean as well, is based in a philosophy of cycles. Everything has a cycle and promotes the order and felicity of the world. Thus, in speaking of cycles and the natural cycle of the ocean, I have stepped right into Oriental thought and brought the reader into an understanding of what the CHARACTER of the story is like, just in describing the setting.
Now there are some things I could have added to make the description a little more effective. For instance, I didn't give many clues as to the time period. My reader has no idea when the character I'm describing lived. This is something to keep in mind, because truly great description not only transports the reader to the PLACE that the story is set, but the TIME as well. Description goes far beyond the physical world and gives the reader a sense of not only the appearance of the setting, but the nature, the atmosphere, and the positions that the characters hold in it.
So I encourage you to try this exercise with some different settings. For example: Ancient Greece, Barbaric Australia, Scandinavia in the time of the Vikings, Modern day San Fransisco, Buenos Aires in the 1800s, or any other setting or time that interests you. Try different ones and take a world tour with your notebook. Have fun, and if you write one you're particularly proud of, send it to me using the contact page. Or, let me know if you have any questions about the exercise or share how it helped you in a comment. I would love to hear from you.
Also, shameless plug, but if you'd like to read more about how to incorporate diversity and culture in your stories, come back on Saturday, April 22 for my post on including people of color in your writing.
Bye for now,
Gel